Boundaries...is it just us humans?
Last time I wrote that I was still waiting for a sunrise and I have to say, sunrise tried to answer. We had a little color for a few days before whomever is in charge of 2020 decided to pull the plug and bring in thick clouds with mist, rain and tonight apparently snow. This too shall pass.
In the meantime, the flocks of migrants are still coming. Their journey has to be made regardless of sunshine and they have gotten some favorable north winds. I’m always intrigued by the behavior of birds in flocks, especially when they they are close by.
This week’s observation was a small group of four killdeer who landed in the mudflat nearby. Two of the birds were minding their own business and proceeded to do what killdeer do - splashing in the water, running around on the dirt, eating tiny bugs and making a lot of noise. The other two birds were engaged in a game my sister and I as kids liked to call “I’m not touching you”.
Bird #1 would move and pretty soon bird #2 would follow, encroaching just enough into bird #1’s space to be felt and cause annoyance but not ever actually touching. Bird #1 would run away or flutter a bit more down the shoreline and pretty soon bird #2 would follow with the same behavior. Just when I had decided bird #2 was the annoying younger sibling, bird #2 gave up. Then a few minutes later, bird #1 started encroaching in bird #2’s space and the game was reversed.
I’ve been thinking about boundaries a lot in this time of physical distancing. I watch humans and sometimes they seem to be playing this same kind of game unconsciously. They may start out six feet apart but there seems to be a gravitation towards one another. It’s especially true if conversation is involved but it seems to happen even with people who are otherwise not engaging with each other.
I tend to be hyper-aware of my personal space in good times and right now hyper-aware is probably an understatement. As I watch the killdeer I wonder about this magnetism we have that draws us into one another. It is about testing boundaries? Is it about lack of boundaries? Is it just our natural connection, something innate that quite literally pulls us together?
Meditating on this topic this morning, I was drawing with water-color crayons. The boundaries in my drawing were solid enough - until I added water. Then the colors began to bleed into one another just the way we tend to bleed into each other’s space.
Maybe this is just the way of things. We share this space we call Earth in this moment in time. No matter how separated we are, we are still interconnected. We are pulled apart and pulled together and even at a distance we have an effect on one another. Maybe that’s all we really need to know.
Over the years (and there have been many!), I've looked at the difference between boundaries, territorality, and space. I find that, as an introvert, my boundaries are fairly emotionally permeable, but I am territorial (as in, "Don't mess with my stuff without asking!") and I am much more comfortable with spaciousness and "social distancing" than perhaps some people who need more physical closeness in order to feel safe and connected. On the contrary, I actually feel more safe and connected when I can step back, breathe, observe, assess...I consider myself blessed that I live in a country and culture in which I don't have to be crammed in with other people if I don't wish to be. To whit: I would be miserable living in Japan, New York City, or in middle-eastern countries in which getting up close and in your face is just accepted as part of a personal exchange. I need "breathing room," in every sense of the phrase. And I don't think there's a good/bad or sane/dysfunctional ratio here! Like the killdeer, I think we adagio in life in terms of how close or distant we feel called or comfortable to be. But I am grateful that I have the freedom to choose, and to allot that same freedom to others...