Today I am struggling with the gray and the dark. Wishing I could build a den and climb in for a month - or two - like a bear and rest deeply inside the earth. Yet the days have been up and down. A few bits of sun, plenty of gray, a lot of cold and not-quite-as-cold and really-cold. My sleep, energy and mood have been just as up and down so I am even more grateful for the moments of joy I am able to find.
Last weekend I was out walking, trying very hard to find gratitude while struggling with another gray day. I didn’t think there would be many pictures given the lack of light and the wind but I had the energy for a longer walk and figured the walk would do me good. As I rounded a corner near one part of the lake I saw something whiz past my head. I didn’t see it all that well, just well enough to know it was a gull and to see the white leading edge of its wings. That was enough to instantly lift my mood!
I have to smile that I know what a “white leading edge” is and what it means for the experience I’m about to have. Most of my life I couldn’t identify a chickadee (one of our most common backyard birds) let alone a gull (only a winter visitor here and not in backyards!). It’s bonkers sometimes to think how unimaginably weird the path of life really is.
The “white leading edge” refers to the streak of white on the top of the Bonaparte’s gull wings as the lovely bird below displays:
Bonaparte’s gulls seem to me to exude joy. They look dainty with their small bodies and beautiful white tails, a bit like a dove from a fairy tale. Their attitude, however, is entirely gull - which is to say they are feisty, playful, stubborn and don’t give up easily! The hover, swoop, dive, circle and chatter at each other. Sometimes in the gray of winter this is exactly the energy I need to embody.
Bonaparte’s gulls hover, scanning for fish, then dive all the way in the water to catch a fish - and they are very good at catching fish. The larger ring-billed gulls know this and will follow them around and try to steal their fish when they come back up, sometimes pouncing right on top of them. Bonaparte’s gulls also try to steal fish from each other. Bonaparte’s gulls are fast and agile and seem to have mastered the art of swallowing a fish while flying which makes them more successful at evading other gulls than one might think.
Bonaparte’s gulls travel in small flocks and they don’t often stick around here very long, so though the light was less than perfect, I sat and watched them hover and dive for over an hour before I had to leave. They seem to actually love the windy conditions. Perhaps because it makes it easier to hover in place and churns up the fish in the water? Not being a gull I can only speculate.
My deepest gratitude to the Bonaparte’s gulls and whatever forces encouraged me to walk down to the little cove where I found them.
We did also see a little sun this week, which was beyond welcome!
The sun was out just long enough for me to get a very brief look at another surprising visitor - a common loon! Usually the loons have left by now. She is likely to leave with the big cold front coming in as loons need to avoid frozen water since they need a long runway to take off.
Often loons don’t care much if I’m there but this one seemed to swim away as soon as she saw me. One of the things that makes loons so delightful (and confounding) is their ability to appear and disappear seemingly from nowhere because they can swim so far underwater without coming up. I’m grateful she gave me a little look before she disappeared out to the middle of the lake.
Where are you finding moments of joy in the grays of life?
Finding Joy in the Gray
Karen, yesterday on my drive to work I was considering this post. The skies were gray and foggy. I realized how unusual it was for our area, and could understand more your reflections on a gray sky. I tend to think of winter as cloudy skies, which are definitely much more beautiful than a gray sky. But the point is this, I was thinking about your struggle to embrace the gray skies. And the thought occurred to me, that you struggling to enjoy a gray day might be much like me trying to enjoy dark and yellow skies during fire season. I don't like them, and I'm never going to like them. They depress me for any number of reasons. And I think that's okay. The best I can do with them is accept them, and turn my attention to activities that I can accomplish and enjoy inside. For whatever it's worth, I just wanted to encourage you to embrace your feelings without judging them or yourself. Go ahead and rage internally at the gray skies, and when you're done, go do something you love! 💟
I felt like I was meandering with you. Do do marvel at the magic of birds. The photos added a lot. Thank you.