It's the Little Things

September 25, 2022

Sunrise over the neighborhood pond, September 18, 2022

As I slowly improve, it’s the little things I can do again (or do again with less pain) I find myself appreciating. I slept through the night for the first time in three weeks. Though I had come to accept my middle-of-the-night strolls about my dark house, I was ecstatic to sleep through the night.

I deeply appreciate my neighborhood which has a small park and some empty fields that are not yet fully developed. The small park gives me open space to see the sunrise after about a five-minute walk. The open fields of goldenrod, milkweed, queen anne’s lace and other “weeds” are full of butterflies and other small beauties. The neighborhood is a refuge when driving the car isn’t possible.

Cloudless sulphur butterfly in the goldenrod

Eastern-tailed blue butterfly in the “weeds”

Managing energy and balancing the need for rest with the need to move has been a constant challenge, especially when sitting isn’t an option. Too much standing and moving and I overdo it. Too much laying around and everything stiffens up. One day I feel better and despite my best efforts I easily overdo it. The next day I find myself tired. It takes a lot of body awareness. Every little thing takes a bit more time and a bit more energy than it usually does. There’s a gap between what I think I can do and what I really can do.

I have made some questionable decisions fueled either by pain or impatience. Some did not work out well and caused more pain or exhaustion. Occasionally they do work out. Wednesday morning I felt called to go to the lake, despite the pain of driving there. Once I was there it was beautiful and this young loon even came to see me! I have a whole pile of photos from that day waiting for the energy to process them. I was definitely worn out, but it was worth it.

First-year common loon

That walk produced some other unusual sites. I found myself focused on a stealth bomber as I was trying to take pictures of a swarm of chimney swifts. Though they are based near here, it’s always a surprise to find one through the camera lens.

On the more natural side, there was a flock of Forster’s terns that morning and I love watching them dive into the water.

My desire to be out at the lake is strong as the cold fronts come in and migration starts in earnest, yet I have to be patient or it will be even longer before I am really back out there full strength. I’ve learned so much patience in the last ten years and it seems there is always a need for more.

Meanwhile, there is beauty to be found. Tuesday I found a patch of thistle spreading its seeds and it was so beautiful in the morning light. Reminded me of snowflakes or feathers. Not sure any of my photos fully do it justice!

I am grateful I work at home which allows me to take phone calls lying down and manage my energy in ways that would be impossible in an office. I am grateful my other leg has continued to be strong and say little prayers each day to let that continue to be so. I am grateful for the pain meds, even as I very much look forward to discontinuing their use and their side effects. I am grateful for my farm share and for my dad who has delivered it to me many times this summer. I am grateful to be able to rest this weekend.

I am grateful for all the beauties big and small. Sunrises, sunsets, a hummingbird in my willow tree, yellow flowers at the end of the lane, a tiny frog in the grass. Migrating terns and loons, the cardinals that stay all year. Yellow butterflies, blue butterflies and brown butterflies. Dragonflies and damselflies in brilliant colors.

Tiny frog, the size of a clover

The most brilliant blue in this tiny damselfly

What little things do you find yourself grateful for?