Connection and Resiliency
November 10, 2024
November 5th, 2024, walking in a thick fog both internally and externally. The only thing I could think to do on waking to the news of the election result was to walk by the lake. I walked laps around the marina, where there was at least enough light to see where I was going. I walked, and walked, and walked.
Light began to show on the eastern horizon about fifteen minutes after sunrise. I felt the sadness and the shock. To my surprise, I felt something else too. I felt a power rising inside myself, a part of me that said, “I will not give more of my life to fear and outrage. I am going to do this different this time.”
The ducks began to move and I could hear the gulls out in the fog. The light was coming and the metaphor was not lost on me at all - the light will eventually burn away the fog. It always does.
As I continued to walk, a young woman got out of her car and walked out to the end of the dock. I notice that she had on shorts with a coat - it was 38 degrees (F). She stood on the end of the dock for a while as the sun continued to burn away the fog, and then she screamed. She screamed a long, loud, deep, soulful scream into the unknown.
I waited and watched as she stood there in a silent conversation with the universe. I waited until she walked back off the dock and towards her car. Then I said, “You are not alone.”
She said, “I feel alone.” I acknowledged that feeling. We talked. We acknowledged our feelings of sadness, fear, disbelief, and anger. She is a black, single mother in her twenties and I’m a white, middle-aged woman with no kids. We found connection in our feelings - then we found connection in our dreams for the future.
I was very emotional and the emotion came out with my words. I spoke from the heart and sometimes surprised myself with what I said. I don’t remember the details of the conversation. I remember telling her that she mattered, she was not alone, and that the world needed her. I knew I was saying it to myself as well.
Before she left, I asked if I could hug her. She said yes. I am usually the last person to initiate a hug, but in that moment what felt right was connecting. As she was leaving, another friend arrived and I hugged her too. I sent text messages to many of the people I love that simply said, “I love you.” The moment asked for connection.
Those who desire power over want us to be isolated and afraid. This is the first tool of authoritarians - divide to conquer. Love is not isolated and afraid. Love begins in connection and is powered by courage. When times get tough, we must reach for connection.
Going to the lake is an act of connection for me. I connect with the trees, the birds, and the lake itself. More and more, I also connect with the humans who grace this sacred space in the mornings. I used to avoid other humans and connect with them rather grudgingly. Now I understand. Connection is healing to the body, mind and spirit.
Today, I walked under the clouds again and let myself feel the peace of the lake. I let myself feel how the lake is settled and calm at her depths no matter what may be happening at the surface. I let myself feel how she touches the earth and how she holds sacred space for the beauty surrounding her. The lake and the park that surround her are my oasis of peace and beauty.
I sent my prayer out into the lake, into the trees, and into Life itself:
On a practical level, I am doubling down on the practices that help me live this prayer. Specifically, I’m focusing on practices that help me feel my feelings and hold them with compassion, regulate my nervous system, and move stress out of my body.
I’m disconnecting from sources of information that specialize in outrage and fear and connecting to people and organizations that nurture, sustain, and are positioned to take real action. I’m finding ways to do small acts of kindness and looking for places where my resources can be used to provide the most benefit.
I’m practicing being mindful and really enjoying the moments I have. The birds, the lake, a nice cup of tea. Who knows what is coming, I want to experience a much joy as I can while it’s here.
I’ve included a partial list of resources I am using to do these things at the bottom of this newsletter.
For today’s small act of kindness, I am giving away a Zox bracelet with an uplifting message to one lucky reader. In the Zox world (and yes, it has its own ecosystem), this is called #zoxlove. All you have to do to enter is comment on this post (online or email response) by the end of day on Monday 11/11/24. You’ll get a bonus entry if you tell me about one of your own resources and practices or a bird you love.
These are the things that feel essential to me today. What feels essential to you right now?
Here are some of the resources I am using to build my own resiliency:
Primal Trust, a program recommended by my therapist that brings together a number of modalities to help us move out of chronic stress.
Qigong. I take regular classes with Holden QiGong. Nick Loffree (who was trained by Lee Holden and teaches classes in our teacher training), offers many free videos on YouTube here. I did this one last week (thank you Ally!) and it was wonderful:
Qigong tip of the week: Like the birds know, shaking is a great way to move stress out of your body! I’ve seen birds shake their bodies thousands of times, especially after they’ve been scared off by a predator and then returned in safety. Here’s some tips:
Shaking doesn’t require any special skills. It can be fast or slow. You can shake your whole body or just shake one part like your hands. It can be a tiny movement or a big movement, you can even just imagine it if you are trying to go back to sleep. You can shake up and down or shimmy side to side. It can be done standing, sitting, or even lying down.
For extra effect, you can make it into a dance move and make yourself laugh or you can take a deep breath and give a long sigh on the out breath as you shake.
The Center for Mindful Self-Compassion offers wonderful free meditations on its website. I’ve been doing these with a group for two years and they are among my favorite meditations.
My friend Jeanne Malmgren, an ecotherapist, offered this post today. Her Substack is a great source of helpful information:
If, like me, meditation doesn’t come easy, there are several great meditation and self-hypnosis apps. The two I use most often right now are Harmony Hypnosis and Joseph Clough Hypnosis.
Sharing your honest first-person post-election experience, your "connection" with the women at the lake (like the women at the tomb on Easter morning), and your validation of the healing to come via images in nature are your initial contributions to the restoration of resilience and courage in the days ahead for us all. You are a shaman of the first order.
"No mud, no lotus". Thich Nhat Hanh
Thank you Karen for your sharing, caring, being and doing in the aftermath of November 5th. I applaud your resolve to "not go back" and bring the Lotus to full bloom.