On Trusting

October 5, 2025

Fifteen minutes before sunrise, October 1, 2025 - I knew what was coming or at least what I hoped was coming!

I said to a friend, “I’m working on trusting myself.” My friend said, “But you are already doing it.”

Seven minutes later - the best sunrises often come from the darkest mornings. (October 1, 2025)

I had to think about that for a few days. Am I? Am I already trusting myself? As I thought about it, I knew it was true. I have always trusted myself.

The wide lens wasn’t wide enough for this sunrise, so I used the pano feature on my phone. These are the moments when I realize I am trusting in something so much bigger than myself.

I have trusted myself with this newsletter for five years, following my path even when I heard others tell me what I should do to “succeed”.

An hour later, when the sun finally peeked over those low clouds. Sometimes the sunrise requires patience.

I trusted myself in my twenties when I knew I just couldn’t take a traditional engineering job, even though I was about to complete that degree.

The young red-shouldered hawk certainly trusts herself, she flew right at the tree full of turkey vultures.

I trusted myself with big decisions throughout my life, like taking a new job and moving halfway across the country. I trusted myself when it was time to move back home again.

The vultures scattered quickly when the hawk flew in. They don’t seem to know they are so much bigger than this hawk!

I knew the day I needed to sell my big house, the one I truly loved but couldn’t keep. I knew when it was time to buy a home again, this time much smaller.

So fierce and certain - I have this inside me too!

I trust myself every day when I go to the lake, choosing which path to take, which area to walk in.

She knows exactly which way she wants to go.

I do trust myself. And yet. It doesn’t FEEL like it most of the time.

And everyone gets out of her way!

I think that trust feels like certainty, and I am often full of doubt.

The young turkey vulture is not sure what just happened - I have this inside of me too.

I think that trust feels like the calm center of the storm, and I often feel I am being buffeted by the winds.

Egrets seem to embody the motto, “I am the storm.”

I think that trust feels like being sure I am making the “right” choice, when often my mind is completely conflicted as to what the “right” choice is.

“I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggon it, people like me.”

When I look into my body, I do find a trusting place. A place that feels certain. A place that is settled amidst the winds of change. A place that is quiet when my mind is spinning out of control.

Killdeer finds a quiet spot.

I follow this inner voice. I do trust her. And. I feel a lot of fear arise when I do.

Egret always follows her inner voice.

The fear asks me if I really know my own mind, if I really know my own heart. The fear tells me it is dangerous to be too certain. The fear tells me I need to be able to explain my choices to everyone around me.

My hummingbird friend doesn’t explain why she’s still here when her friends have departed.

Perhaps my task is not to learn to trust, which I’m already doing, but to learn how to settle the fear that arises when I do.

Nothing seems more settled than a butterfly covered in dew drops.

Perhaps my task is to practice connecting to this settled, sure place inside - this inner ground - every day and letting myself feel both that sureness and the fear. Perhaps the task is to bring love to the swirl from that place of sureness.

This is how I imagine being inside the swirl of love, surrounded by golden mist.

What is your experience with trusting yourself? How do you practice trust?