Practicing

November 27, 2022

I take this picture almost every year - and every year it looks different. Some years there’s still lots of green, some years more vibrant reds. This year it’s amazing some of it survived the drought and it’s still there, on the water’s edge.

It should be
wetter, warmer, 
colder, calmer,
easier.

We should have
more colorful sunrises
still mornings
less north wind.

I should be
less anxious, more social
stronger, fit,
more resilient.
 
There should be
more sparrows,
flocks of ducks,
winter food for my nature friends.

Yet how do I know
what should be?
What if it's perfect 
just as it is?

What if I made 
room for it all?

Sunrise 11/22/22

This week I have been practicing - practicing gratitude, practicing enjoyment, practicing compassion, practicing mindfulness and practicing meditation. So much to practice - yet so easy to think I haven’t “done” anything! All of these require consistent, long term practice to build the muscles just like the therapy exercises that are helping heal my back.

First-year Cooper’s hawk was practicing chasing sparrows.

Practicing gratitude is sometimes easy. This week gratitude came easily for many things, including:

• A long walk with a dear cousin I have not seen in far too long (since before the pandemic)

• My nieces taking over my mom’s sewing room and producing handmade napkins for Thanksgiving dinner my mom would have loved. They set a beautiful table.

• A walk through the trees listening to the flickers, robins and chickadees.

• A good night’s sleep

• Holding my breath while common mergansers swam around the corner, hoping they wouldn’t take off. They did, but it was still magical.

• Watching a loon dive and swim through the binoculars.

Off they go, but these female common mergansers are so lovely. I keep practicing moving more quietly and asking them to stay!

Practicing gratitude helps me practice enjoyment. It is easy to let the small moments pass without taking them in and really feeling the joy. Sitting at a table with my family I took in the beauty and blessing of each one of them. My mind wants to go to what’s missing or what might come next and it’s a practice to let that go and come back to the moment. Over and over and over and over. I am constantly asking my mind to become an ally in my practice - and I’m still a novice.

Pied-billed grebe practicing swallowing a fish that looked way too big! But after a lot of “tenderizing” and attempts, he eventually did swallow it.

Where gratitude is harder, for the “gifts” I don’t think I want, I am trying to practice self-compassion along with the holding the desire to be grateful for every gift life throws my way. Can I see the anxiety as a gift? It certainly keeps me on the path of practicing just as the injured back has put me on the path of regaining strength and balance in my body. I wouldn’t be who I am without this “gift”. Can I find gratitude for the extra practice I got when I was awake at 3 AM? (Hint: not so far, but I’m working on it.)

Lots of available time between 3 AM and a 7 AM sunrise (11/20/22)

Besides practicing mindfulness in the moments, I’m learning mindful movement (Qi Gong and Tai Chi) through some online programs. I’m listening to meditative music and letting myself really feel the music in my body. I’m taking the time to meditate daily. I’m practicing catching myself and breathing into my tension as often as I can. The best part is, I really am practicing. For a long while I was intermittent in my practice - more intention than actual practice. Now I’m really practicing. I’m failing a lot, but hopefully I’m failing forward.

If you just keep trying, you catch a few!

When I first picked up a camera, I didn’t know the first thing about photography or birds. A decade later I can identify most of the 200+ species of birds that wander through this place I call home. I’ve learned about habitat and watched the impact of floods, droughts, ice and heat. I’ve learned to see movement in the trees and to switch the camera settings with more speed than I could have imagined. I’ve learned that I can learn something completely from scratch and that there is always more to learn. I still take 10x more photos than I keep - lots of room for failure!

Wouldn’t have caught this photo a decade ago - or known those were northern shovelers!

I am letting myself imagine a time in the near future though when it might be just a little easier. Like the “Ten-Percent Happier” app suggests I picture myself a few months ahead where the practices are just a little easier and the tension in my body is a little less. Change takes time. I’ve practiced being tense, hurried and anxious for a lot of years. It will take some time to start reversing the trend. The exercises for my back show me that with sustained practice, change will happen. Slowly. I’ll always be learning, as long as I keep practicing.

Practicing can be fun, like trying to take pictures of small bubbles on the water catching the sunrise!

What are you practicing in your life?