Connect and Trust
January 5, 2025
As the new year blows in with ice, snow, and the cold temperatures that were absent most of December, I am mulling the shifts I’d like to make in my life. Shifts in my habits, shifts in my thinking, shifts in my body and shifts in my perspective.
In 2022, the word I started with was soft. When the universe wants to send me a message, it isn’t always subtle, and a river of feathers got the point across quite beautifully:
I didn’t know how soft would unfold. I didn’t know I’d spend the second half of 2022 dealing with the pain of sciatica from which I learned that softness required some strength as well. The body needs balance, the right mix of soft and strong.
In 2023 I wrote that softening was still a key word, but that I’d like to add fluidity, playfulness, and resiliency. I wrote about softening to the places where I have become afraid, including becoming afraid of owls:
On Wednesday, as I drove out of my subdivision toward the lake, I saw a great-horned owl. I was elated to see the owl, and then I was even more elated to realize my reaction to it was excitement and not dread. It was the first bird I saw in 2025, and I had a feeling it was a good sign. A shift has happened.
In 2024, I started the year with a complete overhaul of the way I was nourishing my body. I wrote that change is time-consuming and said my motto would be, “Give yourself some grace.” Mid-year, I even found a bracelet with that motto which has been attached to my keychain ever since:
A month later I wrote about adding the words “resiliency” and “generosity”:
I learned a lot in 2024, including how to feed myself without packaged foods and unhealthy ingredients. I learned that I love roasted mushrooms, that my basic way of compiling a meal by cooking ingredients was sufficient for my needs, and that spices made all the difference.
I continued to study qigong and developed a consistent practice. I spent a lot of the year working on developing a more resilient mindset. I’ve used guided meditation and self-hypnosis to help myself learn to relax. I started a program called “Primal Trust” to work with my mind, body, and nervous system on returning to a place of trust.
I’ve learned a lot about how my mind works and become more accepting of what it means to live in my body, in my nervous system, and with my particular brain. After two years of mindful self-compassion practice, I find myself reacting to my own challenges with more kindness and recognizing the moments where more self-compassion is needed sooner.
I ended 2024 by giving away over a hundred small gifts to strangers and friends. I found a way to give from abundance, rather than lack, and I feel like I’ve reconnected to my generous spirit again.
I estimate that my mind and body are 60-75% healthier than they were at the beginning of 2024. It’s a work in progress, but some of the pillars have strong roots now. I’m hoping to develop stronger legs in 2025.
Looking back at my words - soft, fluid, playful, resilient, give yourself grace, and generous - I can see the changes these words have had in my mind and body. I see it in simple things, like not being afraid of owls, and I see it in the deeper challenges, like trying to manage my way through stressful moments.
The words I’m focusing on now are “connect” and “trust”. I can see how these words build on the previous words, and also add their own colors. I was reminded this week of a word I had conveniently forgotten - vulnerability. I was reminded that vulnerability is required for connection, so if I am to work with connection and trust, vulnerability must be in there, too.
Searching my posts, I find that I have written about vulnerability - once in 2022, once in 2023, and then the word has been creeping into my posts this past month. It’s funny how I remember, forget, remember, forget, and remember again. It’s funny how my subconscious remembered this word before my conscious mind did.
I’ve been dipping my toes in the pool of vulnerability the last few months without consciously realizing it. My brain and body have responded with stress responses that surprised me each time. Putting it in the context of vulnerability, it’s no longer a surprise.
I want to say, “Hey, universe, couldn’t we do this some other way - ANY other way?” But nope, connection requires vulnerability and vulnerability doesn’t sound like a lot of fun. I’d rather trade for what’s behind Door #3 to be honest. Yet, everything I want lies through that door, so it’s really the only way to go.
If softness requires strength, then it’s likely every other word has a corresponding opposite that’s required as well - a yin for every yang. I’m curious to discover what the corresponding words for connection, trust, and vulnerability might be. Perhaps there’s a clue in a book I need to revisit, “The Power of Vulnerability” by Brene Brown.
Maybe you, my wise readers, can help me with perspective. How do you think about vulnerability? What do you think the balancing qualities are for connection, trust, and vulnerability? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
What words are you working with right now? What’s presenting itself in your life for growth and healing?
As you already know, my word for 2025 is EQUANIMITY -- balance and evenness of mind, even under stress and without aversion. The opposite of extremism or overreaction. As to your question about opposites, here are my takes: Connection (relationship) might need balancing independence. Too much connection might result in over-dependence or co-dependence; too much independence might result in isolation or arrogance. Interdependence sounds to me like a healthy BALANCE of the two. Trust, for me, is less the opposite of doubt as of suspicion or even paranoia. Balance of the two might be discernment (wise questioning) or beginner's mind before prejudgment or irrational fear can set in. Which leads to vulnerability and that gets a little dicey -- a two-sided coin. I looked up antonyms for it and among them was one of your previous words, resiliency, which seems to counteract the vulnerability that occurs from being too rigid. Like a tree that can't bend in the wind. But in a more medical sense, invulnerability is to be guarded, protected, shielded from harm or attack; immune or incapable of being wounded in a healthy way, as with a vaccination. But as Leonard Cohen said, it's at the cracks that the light gets in, at least with emotional and relational vulnerability. I do love how you approach your Self and your life as a journey and work in progress. Wishing you every good thing as you move into 2025 and our mutual "balancing act." :-) Stay safe and warm until the ice melts.
Wow, that Dec 30th sunrise is intense, Karen. I'm so sorry that you've had so much pain with the sciatica.
From a young age, I've journaled and been curious about self-development, but it wasn't until I was introduced to Brené Brown's work in 2015 'The Gifts of Imperfection' that I truly delved into 'vulnerability', it was perfect timing as that's when my father had a major hospitalisation and I was torn between my 'big job' and my parents.
Brené uses this phrase that resonates: 'Strong back, soft front, wild heart' in her book Braving the Wilderness. Since 2015, I've explored the work of many experts, scientists and psychologists - some of which is in Carer Mentor..This personal work goes into forming a 'mantra' I review and revise annually. It's a values compass that anchors me.