Today I'm Tired

Sunrise, February 1, 2026

Today I’m tired.

My mind has resembled the hooded mergansers this week - always taking off!

I’m tired from doing too much. I’m tired from thinking too much. I’m tired from feeling too much.

Robins never seem to get tired, but they do roost together every night.

I’m tired from spending “just a little” more time out with the ducks, not wanting to miss a minute before the ice melts.

But I mean, who can blame me for wanting to hang out with the delightful hoodies a little longer before they disappear to the hidden places?

I’m tired from reading, listening, and scrolling just a little too long, taking in more than my brain and body can process.

I do love the part of me that gets SO excited to see ducks, like this greater scaup, that I never see up close. Black feathers show all kinds of colors (like green!) when you get them up close in just the right light. So handsom.

I’m tired from processing thousands of photos, even as I see I still have a few thousand more to go through.

Mr. and Mrs. greater scaup. Her brown colors are equally glorious close up in the good light.

I’m tired from a lifetime of tuning out the “stop signals” of my brain and body, the ones that would warn me I’ve had enough, even when it’s something I really want to do. It is an exhaustion built on a broken connection, fear of missing out, and a foundation of mistrust.

Common mergansers know when it’s time to take a break and rest in the sun.

And.

Light, fog, and hooded mergansers.

I am learning to hear the signals again, the ones my body sends before it screams with alarm. I am learning that my body is ALWAYS on my side.

Ms. goldeneye knows and trusts her signals!

I am learning to do just a little bit less instead of just a little bit more, remembering that what feels like 100% is probably 150%, and my optimal processing load is much lower.

Eagle takes time to rest too.

Today I’m listening to the geese out on the ice who are taking the time to rest, no matter what else calls in their day.

Resting on the ice.

Today I’m watching the little ducks who tuck their head into their wings and take a mini nap right there on the water in the midst of their flock.

Mergansers resting in the middle of the chaos. (plus two canvasbacks!)

Today I’m imitating the small bird who rests on the branch with her feathers fluffed up around her until her energy is ready to move again.

Fluffy white-throated sparrow.

Today I’m remembering that this embodied life means I’m not supposed to do it all. I’m not supposed to see it all, I’m not supposed to feel it all, and I’m certainly not supposed to fix it all.

Cardinal tucked in and resting.

Today I’m resting my mind as well as my body. I’m imagining myself in a quiet cove, sitting in the warm sun with my feet on the earth, allowing everything to be as it is.

Song sparrow warming up in the sun.

Today I’m surrendering to a larger love, allowing myself to be held, and remembering that my worth and well-being are not tied to how much I do, how much I learn, or how much I “can manage.”

All the hearts I find in nature remind me that we are held by a larger love.

My grandmother used to say, “Her eyes are bigger than her stomach.” This is often true for me in that my desire to do, to learn, to witness, to grow, to expand…and to control…are often bigger than my brain and body can digest. I’m learning to shift this balance.

I think hoodies may sometimes have eyes bigger than their stomach, based on some of the fish I see them swallow!

Today, it is enough to drink a warm cup of tea, snuggle in a blanket, and let my body show me how to deeply rest.

Even the elephants are resting.

Today, it is enough to just come home.

The shadow of the resting trees.

(PS - before you get worried about me, I felt great yesterday, and then I overdid it! I’m really ok, I’m just learning.)