Early August morning. Make the tea, grab the camera, out the door. Step into the 60-degree (F) air that is very uncommon here this time of year. Breathe.
Feel the tight places in my body, the pressure in my head that now has a label. Migraine.
Walking towards the lake. Left, right, left, right. Feeling my feet on the ground. Noticing where my body is in balance and where it is not.
One search and now my feeds are filled with ads touting miracle cures or trying to terrify me into buying their product. How does anyone NOT have health anxiety these days, when every other ad suggests your symptoms might mean you are dying more quickly than you imagine?
Juvenile crows chase each other about, calling with their nasally cries as they explore the world. Young beings are delightful in their curiosity, whether feathered or four-legged.
The audiologist said I would benefit from hearing aids. When I saw the picture of a bird on the chart, she sweetened the deal with the promise of hearing more bird sounds. More new ads.
The water has receded, and I can step into my favorite cove again. Chimney swifts swirl overhead as I photograph the sunrise, hazy with wildfire smoke that has come with the cool northern air.
I no longer hear the prothonotary warbler. Has he left to go south already, or just exploring the wider world? I wonder if the dragonflies are sleeping in on this cool morning, as I don’t see them swirling around?
Squawks arise behind me, and I turn to find a young green heron in the tree. The bluebirds and flickers have appeared from nowhere to dive bomb the youngster. She will have to be assertive to survive in this world.
A thought floats through my mind of climate change and the horrors in the outside world. I watch the thoughts swirl and then imagine the chimney swifts gobbling them up and leaving the space clear again.
The Carolina wren is still singing here, and the bullfrogs join his song. A turkey vulture floats by on the breeze.
A text message pings in on my watch, the steady stream of “breaking news…please donate” messages I can’t seem to silence.
I idly wonder if the purple martins have left, but the marina is so crowded on a summer weekend that I haven’t gone down to check. As I walk down the path, my question is answered when I find a swirl of purple martins and barn swallows chasing bugs. Not yet. Soon.
Joggers are passing by at regular intervals. Some look as if they feel good as they run by, and others look as if they are forcing their body to do something it would rather not. I wonder where I, too, am forcing myself into something that is “good for me.”
A downy woodpecker taps on the branch above my head. The rhythm of his taps soothes my soul and calms my body.
Life forces us to decide where we will focus without steeling against the things we’d rather not see. There are always problems bigger than I can solve. There is always too much, it seems.
Yet, I can focus here on the chickory growing beside the path and the clover blooming up ahead. An eastern kingbird whizzes by, and look, a red admiral butterfly on the tree with wings spread.
It is the beauty that helps me metabolize the sorrow and the doubt. It is the promise of wonderful surprises that helps to balance the fear of what might happen next.
Some days it isn’t easy to know for sure what is real and what has been planted in my mind. Here, in nature, I find solidity in what is really real. The plants, bugs, birds, and friends I find along the way are real. Today, this is enough.
May your week be filled with that which helps you metabolize the world.
Karen, I'm sending hugs and anxiety relief, and empathy about the migraine diagnosis. And those tracking ads--ugh. Sometimes I just want to retreat to a mesa with sagebrush and no internet! Thank you for finding and sharing beauty, for getting yourself outside where you can breathe and be. And then sharing the beauty you find. You're a blessing in this world.
Birdsong is the main reason I got hearing aids - it worked! My husband also appreciated me saying "what?" less... Also, that green heron in flight is phenomenal. My most favorite of yours ever!