I keep posts I want to answer on my computer as a reminder. This response is late in coming, but now I can relieve the tab on my toolbar from its duty.
I related to this story.
Susie Goodie Two Shoes was one of my nicknames in my youth. I always cared. I wanted everything to turn out alright, for everybody. I told everyone I was fine. I was good. And many times I wasn't. But I would go down with a sinking friend.
At 66, many lessons later, I like who I am. I still care. I still want everything to turn out alright. I still tell people I'm fine even if I'm not. I still would go down with a sinking friend. I wouldn't change a thing.
Just beautiful, honest writing, Karen. It's wonderful, in those rare times of writing, that we put some words on the page and the words begin to tell us what we should be writing about, and the metaphors begin to click...and how in the end, we come to understand that resistance is, indeed, futile.
This resonates so much with Gabor Maté's When the Body Says No, which I finished reading this morning. You probably know his work, but if you haven't read the book yet, it really is worth it. He even talks about the smile people put on when describing their pain, so as to not impart their suffering to others. "I'm good," can be a dangerous place to be when it's not a statement of the truth. (Though sometimes it's hard even to know the truth.)
Thank you Irina. I am familiar with his work, I watched the movie but I haven't actually read the book. I totally believe that everything going on in my body is also related to what's going on in my mind/spirit/emotions too. It is hard to know and as my wise friend Oriah said above, when we don't tell the full truth that is also our reality at that moment. Tricky, tricky, tricky.
You make such a great point when you compare the manicured pond edge to our own carefully curated presentations of ourselves. This is *especially* true for women. We internalize so many ways we should be good. The strange thing is, the weedy parts ARE the good parts.
Thanks, Karen. Your openly sharing of your struggle to be real is so on point for many of us. Thanks for all you do to take care of yourself and the earth.
Great honest reflections Karen. It's tricky- we have to accept being human and part of being human for many of us, is presenting to self or others as "good," even when we're not. And then, we feel frustrated for not following through on our desire to be real. But. . . a human being presenting as good when they are not IS real. Sigh. The only way I know to deal with this in myself is to be as tender with myself as possible when I realize I have not done what I really, really want to do. Oh, and to celebrate when (in some mysterious moment) I am able to be as real as I long to be (with myself or others.) Your post is very real. :)
Karen you hit the nail on the head for me~ I told my doctor and kary this week I am good ~ they both looked at me~ I am not~ I just can’t eat~Pain and nauseous ~ it’s going thru me again~ yesterday I was lying down all day~ and finally said I just feel sick ~ I’ll call my doctor tomorrow ~ I never want to be a burden to anyone~ your pictures help me to see outside my head~ if that makes sense please continue to share~ it helps us feel not so alone❤️
My struggle is with living in the world that is rather than the one I wish it is, and being frustrated all the time. Some days are better than others. I'm happy to hear you are managing to string together a few good ones here and there. An oh, I love the turkey vulture photograph! They are magnificent birds.
Oh Chris, I know that struggle well. And yes, turkey vultures are amazing! They are also super docile. Sometimes in the fall the youngsters will take over my favorite little area at the lake and they are just like kids at play.
Hi Karen. Thanks so much for this wonderful peek into your interiority which we get every week. I really appreciate the metaphor of the weeds as applied to the self and I really believe that it is our rough edges that make us who we are, so to respect them is key rather than to try and get past them or change them I. I really like your older wiser yoga teacher and I think what he has to say is really important. I have struggled with back pain for many years but at the end of it it was Iyengar yoga that got me back on my feet and give me a permanent solution. It feels like you are doing all the right things for both exterior and interior happiness. thank you so much for sharing.
I could have written your content word-for-word myself. Just substitute "tendonitis" for "sciatica" and I'm right there with you! And I can totally relate to the propensity to be grooming my image of "all rightness." For me, it's a way to mask my own vulnerability, or fear thereof, and to make sure I'm not a bother or "downer" to others. (At one point I realized I was even caretaking my physical therapist's feelings! By assuring her I was improving I was trying to convey to her she had done a good job!) But I'm learning that by leaning into the reality of what is and not trying to berate it or avoid it through deep denial, I extend a compassion towards myself that ultimately aids in my healing. And as the old Clairol ad said, "I'm worth it!" :-)
I had a paragraph in here on what I listened to in Susan Cain's book, "Bittersweet" this week about how engrained this is in our culture along with the history of it. I had to take it out because substack warned me that my post was "too long for email", but I think you would find her book interesting. It took me a long time to get back to reading it, I think I was just ready for it now.
I have some rewards points stored up on my credit card, so I think I'll include this book recommendation in my next book-shopping expedition. P.S. I shared your newsletter with three friends who are having mobility issues -- hip replacement, bad knee/back -- and they said you really nailed it and gave them pause for reflection on always putting on the "good" mask. I guess it truly is endemic to our culture, especially among women.
I keep posts I want to answer on my computer as a reminder. This response is late in coming, but now I can relieve the tab on my toolbar from its duty.
I related to this story.
Susie Goodie Two Shoes was one of my nicknames in my youth. I always cared. I wanted everything to turn out alright, for everybody. I told everyone I was fine. I was good. And many times I wasn't. But I would go down with a sinking friend.
At 66, many lessons later, I like who I am. I still care. I still want everything to turn out alright. I still tell people I'm fine even if I'm not. I still would go down with a sinking friend. I wouldn't change a thing.
I love this. Thank you for sharing.
Just beautiful, honest writing, Karen. It's wonderful, in those rare times of writing, that we put some words on the page and the words begin to tell us what we should be writing about, and the metaphors begin to click...and how in the end, we come to understand that resistance is, indeed, futile.
Thank you Ken. Resistance definitely is futile!
I love that metaphor of mowing down our own weeds, the very things that make us human. Thanks for being real!
Thank you Robyn!
This resonates so much with Gabor Maté's When the Body Says No, which I finished reading this morning. You probably know his work, but if you haven't read the book yet, it really is worth it. He even talks about the smile people put on when describing their pain, so as to not impart their suffering to others. "I'm good," can be a dangerous place to be when it's not a statement of the truth. (Though sometimes it's hard even to know the truth.)
Thank you Irina. I am familiar with his work, I watched the movie but I haven't actually read the book. I totally believe that everything going on in my body is also related to what's going on in my mind/spirit/emotions too. It is hard to know and as my wise friend Oriah said above, when we don't tell the full truth that is also our reality at that moment. Tricky, tricky, tricky.
You make such a great point when you compare the manicured pond edge to our own carefully curated presentations of ourselves. This is *especially* true for women. We internalize so many ways we should be good. The strange thing is, the weedy parts ARE the good parts.
Thank you Janisse, and thanks for reading! I've grown to love the weeds in nature so hopefully I can find a way to love them in me!
This was lovely — and the mowing the weeds analogy definitely made me think!
Thank you Sara
Just loved this from the title all the way through 💗🙏
Blessings
Thank you Terra
Thanks, Karen. Your openly sharing of your struggle to be real is so on point for many of us. Thanks for all you do to take care of yourself and the earth.
Thank you Uncle Bill. Been wondering how you are doing?
Great honest reflections Karen. It's tricky- we have to accept being human and part of being human for many of us, is presenting to self or others as "good," even when we're not. And then, we feel frustrated for not following through on our desire to be real. But. . . a human being presenting as good when they are not IS real. Sigh. The only way I know to deal with this in myself is to be as tender with myself as possible when I realize I have not done what I really, really want to do. Oh, and to celebrate when (in some mysterious moment) I am able to be as real as I long to be (with myself or others.) Your post is very real. :)
You are 100% right on this too. Self-compassion is the only way to go. Thank you Oriah!
Karen you hit the nail on the head for me~ I told my doctor and kary this week I am good ~ they both looked at me~ I am not~ I just can’t eat~Pain and nauseous ~ it’s going thru me again~ yesterday I was lying down all day~ and finally said I just feel sick ~ I’ll call my doctor tomorrow ~ I never want to be a burden to anyone~ your pictures help me to see outside my head~ if that makes sense please continue to share~ it helps us feel not so alone❤️
Oh Catherine, sending so much love to you. What you are going through is so very hard and you and Kary are in my prayers.
Thank you Karen.
I needed to read this. Thank you.
Thank you Rebecca
My struggle is with living in the world that is rather than the one I wish it is, and being frustrated all the time. Some days are better than others. I'm happy to hear you are managing to string together a few good ones here and there. An oh, I love the turkey vulture photograph! They are magnificent birds.
Oh Chris, I know that struggle well. And yes, turkey vultures are amazing! They are also super docile. Sometimes in the fall the youngsters will take over my favorite little area at the lake and they are just like kids at play.
I love what the older yogi said about respecting your edge—such a lovely application of ahimsa and a reminder to be kind to ourselves.
Thanks Katie, I agree, was so grateful to Sari for posting that!
Hi Karen. Thanks so much for this wonderful peek into your interiority which we get every week. I really appreciate the metaphor of the weeds as applied to the self and I really believe that it is our rough edges that make us who we are, so to respect them is key rather than to try and get past them or change them I. I really like your older wiser yoga teacher and I think what he has to say is really important. I have struggled with back pain for many years but at the end of it it was Iyengar yoga that got me back on my feet and give me a permanent solution. It feels like you are doing all the right things for both exterior and interior happiness. thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you Vasant
I could have written your content word-for-word myself. Just substitute "tendonitis" for "sciatica" and I'm right there with you! And I can totally relate to the propensity to be grooming my image of "all rightness." For me, it's a way to mask my own vulnerability, or fear thereof, and to make sure I'm not a bother or "downer" to others. (At one point I realized I was even caretaking my physical therapist's feelings! By assuring her I was improving I was trying to convey to her she had done a good job!) But I'm learning that by leaning into the reality of what is and not trying to berate it or avoid it through deep denial, I extend a compassion towards myself that ultimately aids in my healing. And as the old Clairol ad said, "I'm worth it!" :-)
I had a paragraph in here on what I listened to in Susan Cain's book, "Bittersweet" this week about how engrained this is in our culture along with the history of it. I had to take it out because substack warned me that my post was "too long for email", but I think you would find her book interesting. It took me a long time to get back to reading it, I think I was just ready for it now.
I have some rewards points stored up on my credit card, so I think I'll include this book recommendation in my next book-shopping expedition. P.S. I shared your newsletter with three friends who are having mobility issues -- hip replacement, bad knee/back -- and they said you really nailed it and gave them pause for reflection on always putting on the "good" mask. I guess it truly is endemic to our culture, especially among women.
It's so unconscious. I thought I wasn't doing it anymore!
❤️❤️❤️😍😍😍👍👍👍
Thank you Aunt Sharon